I sometimes write poems when bored. My poetic career started when I grew frustrated with a schoolmate at a very young age and wrote "<insert name> farted, an earthquake started, the lions died in fright" and is sung to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," by the Tokens. The next verse starts in much the same way, but includes "the earth departed". My sister tells me that this is not possible, as school children sing this on the playground, implying that it is of some worth and therefore that this masterpiece cannot have been written by myself. I use this very logic as evidence that I did. I was always precocious. I retired from poetry for about half a decade, as I had schoolwork to attend to. Then, at the age of thirteen, I decided to increase the attraction to my already established stall selling quesadillas at the summer fete, so wrote a poem as an advertisement. Please see an altered version it below, with the names of accomplices retracted. At school, we had a system where on the 14th February each year, one could send a message to somebody else with a rose, all for one pound (which went to charity). I took the opportunity to write poems to my friends' various crushes and exes, pretending to be them. I was truly evil at around age 15. In the interests of good taste and to protect the identities of those unfortunate enough to count me among their friends, I have left these out. Suffice it to say, that my artistry peaked with a 74 line poem to a friend of mine, who was the ex of one of my housemates and the then-current girlfriend of another, pretending to be the one who was her ex. I'm afraid you are just going to have to trust me when I tell you that it was verily awe-inspiring. It took me three months to write.